The gray couch was soft like kitten fur and engulfed me like a bean bag chair. With my head back, looking up at the ceiling, I pretended to strangle myself with a pillow. "Think of the worst thing you have ever smelled."

"Wait. I'm confused. Start at the beginning." Alice said, sitting with her legs crossed in front of me on a blue leather couch. I laughed in silence, thinking that the chic couch must have felt like a hard picnic bench. She didn't even put a dent in the fabric.

"Well, this is a story, all about how my life got turned right upside down. And I would like to take a minute and sit right here" I began to sing the theme song to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air before Alice cut me off.

"Taylor." She said, raising her hand. "I know you like to joke around whenever something gets uncomfortable, but seriously. Let's talk about it."

I sighed and continued my original thought.

"I can't stop thinking about the situation since it happened last week. I woke up disoriented, but the king-size fluffy white comforter told me I was in my bed. I looked at my phone to figure out what time it was. Around 10:30 in the morning. I smelled an odor that reminded me of passing a dead animal on the side of the road. It was awful and strong. My head was spinning, but I got up to look for the stench. I couldn't find it. It wasn't the container of Chinese food sitting on the dresser. I'm not sure how that got there. It wasn't coming from the bathroom toilet as I suspected. I circled the bedroom for a few minutes. Finally, I noticed what looked like a lump under the comforter at the foot of the bed and shrieked when I pulled off the covers. It looked like someone dumped a bucket of Halloween candy on the bed. The only thing is, instead of a bucket of candy, it was a blue shirt, the color of the ocean after it had been polluted with all kinds of nasty shit."

"Ok," Alice said, her face not giving away any sign of emotion.

"I say blue shirt, but really it looked tie-die with red, purple, and brown dried lumps. I debated if I should have thrown it out or try to wash it. The shirt wasn't mine, so garbage it was. Besides, I didn't know if returning it to the rightful owner was a good or bad thing."

"The garbage was probably best. Go on." Alice prompted me to continue my story.

"The evening before, I met the crew at that new slushy drink bar on the beach. That's where I ran into Kris."

"Was Kris?" Alice began to ask.

"Yup. The shirt owner," I said, nodding my head drastically before hiding my face.

"I got excited. We worked together a few years back at my old firm. I hadn't really spoken to anyone since leaving, so it was a good surprise. You can say I fancied Kris."

"You fancied?" Alice asked, questioning my statement.

"Yeah. I guess I could have said Kris is hot, I liked Kris or had a crush on Kris, but that just sounds childish. Fancy is a grown-up term." I said, trying to be pretentious.

"Ok. Fancy." Alice mocked.

Channeling Austin Powers, I put my pinky finger to my lips. "I don't kiss and tell, but the British accent is intoxicating."

"So, Kris is British?"

"Actually Australian. Same difference." I joked.

Alice rubbed her forehead. "They're not. You know. I think you are trying to use humor again to distract from the conversation."

I felt slightly annoyed but continued. "Anyway. Seeing Kris was awesome. I suggested shots. Kris protested, waving an extra-large adult slushy in my face. But the tequila shots followed. Then there was some kissing. Ok, you get the idea. Yes. To be cliche, we ended up at my place."

"So you and Kris," Alice began to ask.

"Nope! Well, that's just it. From what I can remember, and believe me, it's not much. Maybe we were having sex. Maybe we were about to. Honestly, I don't remember. What I remember was the kissing and well..."

"You vomited?" Alice asked, covering her mouth unconsciously.

It seemed highly probable, considering the taste of bile that filled my mouth the next morning. I sat quietly though, not able to admit or deny the question. The truth was, the kissing was the last thing I truly remembered.

After several moments, Alice broke the silence.

"Taylor." She said in a soft voice.

"Look. I've done all kinds of crazy shit." I interrupted. "I've had mind-blowing sex with four randoms whose names I don't remember. I've started a bar fight. I've gotten banned from two clubs. I crashed a Drag competition - I'm told my Tina Turner was on point! Confessed my love to an ex I hate - Crazy! I mean, I've done all kinds of things."

"Not to mention the DUI," Alice added, as gently as possible.

Her comment enraged me inside, although I responded calmly. "Reckless. Driving. Thanks. I beat that charge. And don't even get me started on that—the one time. I wasn't even drunk. Bad chicken wings and beer. Picture being in the middle lane and having to get to the shoulder quickly. My dumb luck. Flashing lights as I pull to the side. And. Well!"

"And vomit?" Alice stared directly into my eyes.

"Stop saying that. I hate that word." I protested as I turned my head.

"I'm surprised that didn't have as much of an impact on you as this situation seemingly had," Alice said softly.

"What? The DUI. No, because that wasn't my fault. I was the victim of an asshole who refused to listen to me when I was honest!" I began to shout. "Thank God the judge agreed that pulling to the side of the road to, you know, is a good idea!"

We sat in silence for several long minutes as I picked at my fingernails.

"Or. Maybe. I wasn't ready yet to admit how I continue to screw up. I guess. If I'm honest, it's time I start taking responsibility for my choices." I whispered, continuing to pick at my fingernails.

Alice smiled. "I think it's great that you've decided to stop drinking." She went full-on doctor Alice then. "The first step is usually someone recognizing they have a problem. If you want, we can unpack this some more later. Try this exercise, write down every reason why you want to stop drinking."

"Do I have to?" I said in my best four-year-old voice with my lips puckered out. Alice ignored me and continued.

"Replay your memories. Rate how bad your different episodes were. Ask yourself what triggered the situation and if you could have done anything differently. If you're going to do this, you need a constant reminder whenever you get that feeling."

"It's January 4th, can't I just say new year, new me?" I asked half-jokingly.

"New Year resolutions don't work. Not unless you're serious and take real action," Alice began to say as she got up to answer the knock at her office door.

"Hey. Thanks, I'll be right there," Alice said before closing the door back.

"Kicking me out?" I held onto the couch as if in protest.

"I have paying clients waiting" she shrugged.

"Thanks, sis, I really appreciate you listening." I squeezed Alice as I hugged her goodbye.

"I can refer you to someone. In fact, I should. You probably have a lot more things to unpack." She reached for a business card out of her desk draw.

"Nah. Told you a million times. I'm good." I was serious, but Alice gave me a look she picked up from our dad as we would fight over everything.

"Seriously? If you are serious this time. I have a colleague rated the magic city's number one go-to for help with crazy shit." Alice joked, defusing my hesitation. "Or. Maybe we can try going to a meeting?" She added.

"What?!" I held my chest, acting as if I was having a heart attack. "Oh, I get it. This isn't about me. We can go. We." I said in air quotes. "You know, you can always talk to me instead of a room of strangers, sis. Hi, my name is Alice, and I'm an alcoholic," I added as I pinched Alice's nose playfully before walking out.

As I left Alice's office that day, I dropped the business card she had passed me in the car's cupholder. The card was likely to live there until I was pumping gas and decided to get rid of the coffee cups, water bottles, and paper in my car.

Serendipitously, the bumper to bumper traffic caused by the flashing blue and red lights on the highway reminded me that it was time for a fresh start. Sitting on the road was a gray SUV, the same model as mine. Its front bumper was smashed in. I told myself crazy stories about the vehicle's owner while watching a crew sweep the road. After a few moments, I picked up the business card, turned it around in my hand a few times, and decided to call. I scheduled recurring weekly appointments with Alice's colleague. I told myself then that the year was going to be dry.